On The Trail Of The Heart

In my heart, not the physical heart but in the center of where I feel myself to be, is a tangible yet nonphysical feeling. The feeling is like a knot of energy. If I touch it with the saying of my mantra I can lessen its tension. If I want to look for my God Self I point my attention in that direction. If I place my attention on it and let my breath move through it then it feels delicious. A glorious tickle of delight.

There are many lovely passages in the Upanishads on the heart and the Self that dwells there. Like this one from the Katha Upanishad: “Concealed in the heart of all beings is the Atman, the Spirit, the Self; smaller than the smallest atom, greater than the vast spaces.”

 Ramana Maharshi talks about the heart as being where the Self dwells. “With regard to his location, God does not reside in any place other than the Heart. It is due to illusion, caused by the ego, the ‘I am the body’ idea, that the kingdom of God is conceived to be elsewhere. Be sure that the Heart is the kingdom of God.”  

Then Ramana talks about following the trail of the “I” thought. The “I” thought is the ego.  If you can find the place where the “I” thought arises then you will be led to the Self. The “I” thought then dissolves in the Self for there is no other reality then the Self. It’s like a drop of water dissolving in the ocean. 

Now, here’s my theory. The so-called knot of energy in my heart is the ‘I’ thought. It’s a conglomeration of inaccurate thoughts clutched around the false assumption that I am the body. All the little chattering thoughts are generated by this false idea of who I am. It’s a case of mistaken identity. How liberating the idea is that I am not this body. The Self animates this body with its life but it is not the body. Right now I confess that is an intellectual realization. But I know if I persist then I will dissolve that little knot in the heart into the great ocean of my true being.

Shankara defined a liberated being as one who “obtains realization of the supreme identity” and then ignorance will cease and “the knot of the heart loosed”. Papaji related his experience when he first met Ramana Maharshi. Ramana told Papaji to “find out who this ‘I’ was who wanted to see God”. As Ramana “gazed into my eyes, my whole body began to tremble and shake. A thrill of nervous energy shot through my body. My nerve endings felt as if they were dancing, and my hair stood on end. Within me I became aware of the spiritual Heart. This is not the physical heart. It is, rather, the source and support of all that exists. Within the Heart I saw or felt something like a closed bud. It was very shiny and bluish. With the Maharshi looking at me and with myself in a state of inner silence, I felt this bud open and bloom.”

Maybe this is what Buddha means: a budding of divinity. It’s not so much that there is a knot of energy in the heart but rather a closed bud. A bud that is waiting for the sun’s warmth to help open its tender petals. The sun is the Self. Again the Upanishads talk about this light in the heart. They even mention the heart as being like a lotus and within the lotus is a golden flame, “more brilliant than ten thousand suns.” “There is a light that shines beyond all things on earth, beyond us all, beyond the heavens, beyond the highest, the very highest heavens. This is the light that shines in the heart.”

Here’s another picture. The bud is like the pilot light on a gas stove. It’s the source of the greater fire that lights up when you turn the dial on the burner. My attention is like the turning of the dial. I become aware of the bud and it blossoms into the greater light that was always there. 

Papaji says in the book The Fire of Freedom that “when you are truly aware, no thought can even enter and trespass on your freedom because that ultimate state of awareness is a fire, a fire of knowledge. Anything that tries to enter that fire is consumed and burnt to ashes… ‘I am free’ means ‘I am free of the thought process that jumps around and connects to objects.’” 

This means to me that when I learn to follow the ‘I’ thought and find out where it springs from, I will discover that the light of the bud burns up that knot of inaccurate thoughts. What an amazingly simple thing. In this heart, this inner space of light’s abiding, dwells a kingdom that nothing of lesser vibration can enter. All the chatter of the mind, all the sense of being the body is burned up on the doorstep. The trail of the heart has led me home.